On balance…

I note that Tom has a splurge of publicity of late with the impending release of his new movie Cherry and including a front cover for Esquire and looking suitably sultry.

More on Esquire to conclude – the word I mean and not the magazine.

I’m not much of a reader of such mags and I suspect I am not alone. They are more to be flicked through rather than read, no?

There was a time when projects for Tom would pass my desk for approval/advice but no longer. He has people now and they guard/guide him well. But had the Esquire offer hit my in-tray then I suppose I would have waved it through. Not for me particularly but I’m not a movie actor and it’s all part of the process I guess.

That said, there is one magazine cover I would dissuade Tom from doing and even though he has the requisite bumps. I refer to Men’s Health and the unfailing Abs shot. The man on the every cover, not necessarily famous but he must have a washboard stomach and an easy smile.

I have never bought a copy of Men’s Health but I have flicked through it on occasion and usually at the doctors surgery. Given how mental health and self-esteem issues are so rampant nowadays and often coupled with obesity, I wonder if Men’s Health is a magazine to leave in waiting rooms?

The same for Country Life magazine – full of beautiful homes which normal people can’t afford and hardly appropriate then for people with depression and waiting to see their doctor.

I wonder if drug companies are not placing such magazines deliberately to get us all hooked on their anti-depressants.

Every month it’s the same with Men’s Health – HOW TO GET KILLER ABS.

Not literally I presume. Can Abs kill?

And yet every edition carries a multi-page feature on how to exercise our stomachs.

Does anyone really need this? Don’t we know already?  Sit ups, right? And more recently, the plank. Surely, we don’t need a manual.

We know about stomach crunches – we just choose not to do them.

Sure, I find a flat stomach alluring and I’d like to have one. I have the required physiology. We all do. We all have the same set of muscles, just that most people’s abs are invisible. Or buried.

But I don’t envy the man with the six-pack because I know what is required to coax said muscles to expose themselves. To break cover if you like.

Namely, sustained amounts of unbearable pain –  not to mention the absence of practically all food stuffs that we enjoy eating and drinking.

This is not the life I want.

It is likely that everyone has at some point embarked on a mission for Killer Abs.

And we abandon such missions when we realise how much pain is involved. Plus our abdominal muscles already function as nature intended. They seem to serve their purpose.  It’s just that we can’t see them.

I imagine we’d all like to have a phwoar core – but happily forego it to avoid the pain.

“Hey man, what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Me? I’m an abs model. What do you think I’m doing? Same as today. I’m doing crunches…”

Not for me, thank you.

And finally back to Esquire and one of the biggest laughs in the show, Billy Elliot the Musical where this blog began many years ago.

Billy has done his audition and is anxiously waiting to hear if he has been successful. A letter arrives in the post addressed to, William Elliot Esq

Which in the show is misinterpreted and read out as,

“William Elliot is queer”.

At which the audience fell about laughing. It’s an old gag and a lazy laugh but an interesting one.

Some things are never changing – like physical attraction and killer abs. But other things are changing all the time, like words which are nuanced and can be very dangerous.

“Willian Elliot is queer”

Make of this what you will but don’t shoot the messenger. It is a joke, a slight and a political statement all in one and depending on one’s interpretation. These are complicated times. The sands are constantly shifting and we must be nimble to keep our balance.

And speaking of which – do you know what is a key component of good balance?

Yep, you’ve guessed it…

Killer Abs.