Welcome home…

Growing up, like many little boys, I dreamt of being famous. The shear thrill of being recognised everywhere I go. I took my shot as well but never quite made such heights as regular readers of this blog will know. And now that my son is very famous and is constantly recognised, I am more mindful of what we wish for.

These days, I am still recognised frequently but not with much certainly. Bemused looks are what I am now accustomed to.

I recognise that bloke. Why do I know him? Did I work with him? I’ve seen him before, but where?

Occasionally I am recognised for who I am and even less occasionally, I am asked for an autograph or a selfie, the modern day autograph. I am fine with this btw since my desire to become famous has waned long ago.

But there are occasions however, when I absolutely hope and want to be recognised.

For example, on passing through the passport machines at Heathrow airport this week on return from our family holiday.

You know how it goes… wait patiently in line with passport in hand. Get to the front. Wait for the green light and the glass flaps to slide apart. Glasses off. Cap off. Stand on the yellow footprints with passport inserted in to device and wait for the machine to make a decision.

My most recent wait was long. Too long and unnecessarily so, it seems, as my friends and other family members were allowed through by other less rigorous machines and accumulated in the United Kingdom as my application remained pending.

Come on, I began thinking to myself. It’s me!

“Surely, these sophisticated machines know who I am?”

Perhaps I should pull a grin and pretend to hold a microphone? Would this help?

And finally, the machine grants me entry. As though begrudgingly and with a sneer and a… “haven’t seen you for ages, pal.”

Returning from holiday is universally hard for us all whatever our circumstances because everything is relative – and doubts, fears and anxieties creep up on us all. The fear of what lies ahead? Bloody work for most of us and stuff to do. There will be mail to go sort through. The fridge will stink…

This misery is best typified by the baggage carousel – where we all stand, exhausted and await our luggage. Which in effect, is our washing – two weeks worth, so four/five loads at least… so carefully packed on our way to holiday and so unceremoniously slung in to cases on our return.

London today is wet through and so strewn across our house is laundry in various degrees of wet and dampness.

Still, I am lucky to be here. I might have died on that wretched quad bike – for those readers who kept up on my travails.

And yet I don’t feel very grateful. Because tonight I am playing The Comedy Store in London – my day (night) job – where the fears of dying are only too real and even more terrifying than being crushed by a bloody quad bike.

Welcome home everyone and onwards…


10 thoughts on “Welcome home…

  1. Theresa Garnett says:

    Welcome back to the British Summer! Mr H we would always recognise you; the passport machine must have bee faulty and don’t worry you’ll absolutely smash that gig of yours. Break a leg x

  2. Grace O’Farrell says:

    Hi Dominic
    I was on family holiday to United States in July for a week and it was really nice but it was really hot and I’m not used to 80- 100 degrees heat. I live in Ireland so rain, rain and rain all year round. I’m sure you get that kind of weather as well all the time. But when it comes to June that’s when exams start and of course the lovely sunshine nice warm weather comes out. I did my leaving cert in June which I think is the GCSE the uk call it. We had nice weather when I was doing exams for two weeks and couldn’t enjoy the weather because had to study and stress out about what I had to study for what exam I had that day. But while I was in the states I hated the roads there it was hard to get use to for a week in the states they drive on the right and at home we drive on the left. I had a terrible fear my dad was going to go into the left lane instead of keeping on the right. My dad had to take a left turn and I almost died because dad was going onto the left and stopped in the middle so he could take that left turn. I panicked for nothing and my brother was telling me to calm down and I sounded like an idiot telling my dad he was going on the wrong side of the road. Sometimes I complain about it being way to hot but I should just be grateful that the sun is shining and that it’s not raining. I find When it rains people are depressed but when the sun is shining people are happy and the are outside enjoying the lovely weather. I have a lot of fears and they do get to me like where am I going to be in the next 5 or 10 years. I have finished up with secondary school and I just got my exam results and I’m very happy but those results they won’t get me into college unfortunately and I knew that so in September I’m doing a course for a year and hopefully that course will get me to college. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I love writing but I don’t know if I’m good at it. I write story’s/ books whatever you want to call them but I don’t share them because I’m scared they aren’t good enough that they are stupid and boring.
    I hope you enjoyed your holiday

  3. Anoushaka says:

    What makes reading your books and this so interesting is that it’s all relatable to what one goes in everyday life. Every piece of writing gives us a glimpse of rather makes us empathise with ourselves as to how we deal with circumstances in our lives. I’ve loved reading all your blogs and your novels .

  4. Pamela says:

    Glad to see you made it home! I haven’t had the pleasure of traveling abroad so I don’t even have a passport. Someday!! I’m from a small town in Minnesota that happens to have several lakes. Time spent boating, jet skiing and lounging on the lily pad is what we do during the summer. It helps when your sister lives on the lake!! Unfortunately this summer I was recuperating from foot surgery! My days have been spent reading your books!! Thank you for writing! It’s helped passed the time. I’m a teacher (22 years) so we are back to work! Hence that’s why I haven’t traveled abroad! I surely am not teaching to get rich!! I can’t wait to meet my 21 first graders next week!!

  5. Regina says:

    What a perfect post to read as the school year resumes and I look at the work already piling up waiting to be graded. Hope the gig went well!

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