Having never been fashionable myself – I have long harboured a slight resentment for people so inclined. You know the types; the dandy who wears a hat or a cravat and anyone more generally who is ahead of the latest fashion curve.
Which might explain a new barbed line that I sometimes use on stage – particularly so at a black tie dinner and if I see a particular offender. It goes something like this…
…some of the men here this evening are so busy and have been so pushed to get here on time – that they have rushed out without putting any socks on…
And if you are a man here tonight – in a suit – and you happen to have dispensed with socks – then all you need to know, is this…
That you look like a knob.
Okay, maybe not a classic of mine.
Not a routine I would ever include in my greatest hits but it’s a good ice breaker, it gets a laugh and some welcome finger pointing and goading as well.
So imagine my horror then when I see this picture.
This blinking son of mine.
First, he crashes in to my world of show business with his highly successful and all-eclipsing career of his own.
And now he has ruined a perfectly good joke for me – because I can’t very call-out people for a crime that my own offspring are guilty of.
Albeit, there is a potential upside to this development and it is quite exciting. Because if I can encourage all of my boys to dispense with socks, then immediately the Holland house becomes a much happier one. Because no matter how many pairs of socks that I purchase – there is never ever a pair of socks for me to wear – I am always – always left scrabbling about for an approximate pair – and Nikki are I are practically traumatised by the ever expanding bag of odd socks that sits in our bedroom tormenting us.
Spider-Man Far From Home is in theatres now worldwide.
FYI – I make nothing from promoting this film – unless good favour being curried with my eldest son is factored in. Given where he is in the world, it is probably prudent to stay in with him especially in the light that I have just called him out for being a knob.
27 days until I,Gabriel is published – you can pre-order here for uk – or rest of the world here